About Me

Just a guy fighting evil wherever I find it. I'm glad you are here to read about my adventures escaping and ultimately defeating the evil Nonhof. First time readers should start at the beginning to get a true sense of the history behind our epic battle of good vs evil. I also caution you to be careful of how you submit comments. As the saying goes; an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Who knows if Nonhof is aware of this blog or not - I fear the worst.

Nonhof, perhaps you should think of that sword and its location:)

Monday, June 22, 2009

Day 4 (SD and onward)

eastern SD

The Badlands aka Nonhofville - of course they are beautiful where Nonhof has a soul as ugly as the Guatemala dump. Maybe Nonhofville isn't the best name...

Leaving SD and yet farther from Nonhof:)

Day 3 (I head for SD)

and need I say; farther from Nonhof

You are kidding aren't you - the corn palace?

I'll miss brats in Cuba:(


desparate times call for desparate measures - coors light?

time for bed

day 2 (I leave Wisconsin)

A relation to my inspirational friend Don?

Anyone want to kayak?

One state removed from the evil Nonhof

The mighty Mississippi

My humble abode

Ready to hit the road:)

Friday, June 19, 2009

My first night

Its already friday morning - I'm having a hell of a hard time blogging as finding wireless is dificult in rural America. Right now I'm sitting outside a super 8 using their wireless.

I spent my first night in a college town (it must remain nameless) and found some college students to party with. It was a great night not to have to worry about Nonhof finding me - I'm feeling safe.

My ride to the bars
I met an interesting girl at the bars and was initially terrified as she is an English major - I was sure Nonhof had me now. All I could do is hope that maybe she hadn't got the word. As we talked I realized that she wasn't evil like Nonhof. I finally asked and she told me that she was quite familiar with Nonhof but there was a small group of independent thinkers that had broken away from Nonhof and his quest to destroy America. It was very reasurring to hear that there is group of English majors that are trying to right the wrongs that Nonhof is committing.

Having a beer at the Joynt

Outside the Joynt

My new friends below

Women just can't keep their hands off of me

- will write about day 2 later

keep the faith

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Day 1 on the road

Where are the women? I'm at the beach looking for bathing beauties.

Look at the sign behind me - this town accurately describes my time with Nonhof - it was the pits!

Wow was that close

Yesterday at 5:15 sharp the helicopter arrived. We took off without a problem... or so I thought. Two minutes after we left rpg's were going up left and right all around us. My pilot was terrified (sadly he defecated) and headed straight for the ground (what a coward).

side note: the ironic thing is that if Nonhof's minions had studied mathematics they would have known what trajectory to use when firing on us and I would be history. Think about that Nonhof!

I escaped in a farmers field and buried myself. After awhile I dug myself out and started moving and headed for the one place Nonhof would never look for me - the CGB high school. I actually hid in his truck.

I would tell you where I ended up Tuesday night but some things are better left untold for now. Suffice to say I had fun:)

As I write this (Wed afternoon) I am safely on the road but it is somewhat bittersweet. I am going to miss the battle with my adversary. As much as I despise the politics of Nonhof I respect his cunning and will miss our battle of wits. I am safe now and can relax.

Monday, June 15, 2009

I am so ready

Well its been a trying time since I last wrote. With schools across the country getting out I've had to be especially careful. I think every English teacher in the state of Wisconsin offered extra credit to the person that found me. A plague of locusts couldn't be worse than this. His minions are everywhere; peaking in the windows, hopping the fences, and going through the trash. I have really had to lay low.

Good news though. I'm leaving tomorrow. We have arranged a helicopter to land in the compound tomorrow morning at 5:15 am to take me to safety.
side note: a sincere thank you to all who have aided me up to this point - without your help I wouldn't have made it.

Since the next phase of my life begins tomorrow I will make an effort to blog on a more regular basis.

Keep the faith

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

First venture into public

I made it without a problem. Went out and had a drink and something to eat. You missed your opportunity Nonhof:)

(taken at a classified location outside of the safe house in eastern Wisconsin)

Day 8

Hello again my friends. I am alive and well and getting used to this forced inactivity. I've been however using my time wisely. While researching what I believe to be my final destination, Cuba, I came across some disturbing information. One item of interest and deep concern, revolves around Nonhof's friends to the North.

We all know, unless we're complete Nonhof's (oops I mean idiots) that everyone except Americans can visit Cuba.

note: I use the word Americans to refer to those from the United States of America. I realize that this is not politically correct and is downright offensive to many, as anyone from either of the Americas is an American. I am doing this for my convenience and do not mean to insult anyone. Please accept my heartfelt apologies.

Also many people understand that Canadians in an attempt to flee their barren wasteland of a home take advantage of Fidel's hospitality. What I didn't understand is why they flock to Cuba. According to all statistics from many reliable sources my use of the word flock is a gross understatement. The reason that they go and not the fact that they go puts me at great risk if I continue in my quest to go to Cuba.

It is well known that Canadians have an inferiority complex when it comes to their next door neighbors to the south. What is not understood is that they deeply hate us. It is an all consuming hate that makes al-Qaeda's hate for us pale in comparison. You must understand that the Canadians hatred has been festering for centuries not just for decades. They flock to Cuba as it is the one place in the world that they can travel where there are no Americans. If any Canadians spot me I am dead meat. Even though Raul has promised me protection I am concerned that word will get back to that evil Nonhof and that he will use his Canadian contacts to cause me great harm.

Side note on Canadians:
Some Canadians are among the most wonderful people you could ever meet and I met one once. Her name was Amy and she was an artist.

Keep the faith.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Day 6

Hello my friends. I spent the weekend trying to understand the motivation of Nonhof. Why is he trying to destroy the youth of America? It is so easy to say "insanity" and just write him off as a member of another terrorist organization. I felt that there must be, somewhere in his history, a clue. I have searched high and low and this afternoon I found something interesting.

We all know the history of Nonhof as written in the history books. He attended Dordt College - which is usually followed by laughter. It turns out that this is no laughing matter. Dordt is the name of the college but it is not associated with the Christian Reformed Church as thought. Instead it is associated with a terrorist organization. The name of this organization is Do Organized Real Destructive Terrorism. From this name comes the acroynm DORDT. The founders of this organization then found a way to tie their name into a religious reference. Does this actually suprise anybody?

The manifesto of DORDT states:
We the loyal and faithful disciples of Shakespere will do all in our power to corrupt minds with filth, garbage and other useless crap. (note that the manifesto is actually 17 horrifying pages of statements and goals - most of which made me physically ill and are unprintable)

Did not anyone wonder why this 'religious' college was stuck in the middle of an Iowa hog farm? They did there best to stay away from prying eyes, and for the last 54 years they successfully hid - but no longer.

On another note, Fidel just sent me another box of cigars. I plan to relax for 2 more weeks and then leave on the 16th of June. I am confident that I will be able to elude Nonhof as I make my way to the border.

Keep the faith.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Day 4

All is well considering the state of the world.

I am bored, confined but safe; and let me tell you a fine cigar and glass of Cuban rum in the evening is pure bliss. In spite of my safety I am concerned for the well being of my country - another school year has come and gone and more young people have been inundated with propaganda ad nauseam - Brit Lit, truth papers, 9 week books, silent reading, creative writing, vocabulary, and the list goes on. It makes me sick to just think of the torture that our young people are going through.

Why is this happening? It's the same question that has been asked for ages. Why did Hitler do what he did? Stalin, Pol Pot, Bush, Idi Amin - unfortunately the list is endless. The answer I think is simple - they were insane as I fear is Nonhof. Unfortunately this doesn't bode well for our future as a society.

Nonhof is a brilliantly diabolical evil man. He has created the ultimate of secret societies: english (I refuse to capitalize this word) teachers. The existence of most secret societies is secret, Nonhof however is very open about his gang of criminals - the secret is their diabolical mission. So creative, so evil.

Equally unfortunate is that I truly have to escape and lay low before I can begin to right the wrongs that are being committed by Nonhof and his minions. I have just received word that Fidel (I guess truth be told it really is Raul) has guaranteed me a safe haven. I just have to find a way to get there.

I am enclosing a picture - unfortunately I'm not willing to show my eyes. To my knowledge no picture of me exists. I plan to keep it this way: at least for the time being.

The safe house has lovely gardens - I hope they are safe from prying eyes.

Keep the faith.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Day 2

Freedom. What is freedom? I am free, but free to do what? I am locked in a safe house waiting for the smoke to clear. I must admit that I enjoyed a fine cigar and glass of rum last night (courtesy of Fidel) but I am bored and anxious to get on the road.

Where do I go to be free of Nonhof? Its hard without papers. Illegals flood across our borders by the thousands but I wonder if I can head the other way? North as I said before is out of the question .... maybe Quebec? I know so little about that evil man. Does his influence extend to just the English part of Canada? I'm guessing maybe Quebec might be safe. I like this; he won't know if I've headed south or north - south is safer, north is easier. He'll never figure out where I am.

Something to think about before I sign off: how did Nonhof and his cohorts get so powerful? When Sputnik was launched the United States made a real effort to raise the education of our young people in the math and sciences (a noble effort to say the least) and here we are 40 some years later and 2 years of math are required for graduation and 4 of English (I think its wrong to capitalize such a word). How did this happen? How did Nonhof and his cronies garner such influence?

Everyone knows that studying a language that you are fluent in is a waste of time while the study of mathematics is pure joy. This atrocity has to be put to an end.

Keep the faith

p.s. A sincere thanks to those members of the CGBURM that helped facilitate my escape from Nonhof. Also a sincere thanks to Tipple, T-staub, Muskett and Urness for inspiring me.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


I made it!  I escaped this morning and am now in a safe house.  I don't know for how long and even if I did I wouldn't be at liberty to say.  I will send proof that I am alive soon.

Keep the faith.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Wheels Are In Motion

The wheels have been set in motion. With an immense effort the CGBURM (Cedar Grove Belgium Underground Revolutionary Movement) has arranged for my release from capture. This post was written by me and is being transcribed from a remote site by a very brave friend. A daring escape from the evil clutches of Nonhof will take place soon. I have dramatically increased the chances for failure by publishing this post but it is necessary. It brings to mind the famous quote of Edmund Burke - "All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing". I must get word out about the evil Nonhof. His sinister plot to corrupt the young minds of America with useless drivel must be stopped. Even if my escape plan fails the fact that you are reading this means that the word is getting out.

This may be my first and last post - if the plan fails you won't hear from me again. If I am successful (and thanks to the the CGBURM I believe that I will be) then I will be taking an extended vacation. Even though I will be fleeing for my life from Nonhof it will qualify as a vacation just being outside of that dreary prison that has been my home for far too long. At this time I am unsure of where I will go. Nonhoff's tentacles spread north to Canada and if rumor is to be believed he has formed a coalition with the FARC. Possibly no place on earth is safe but the farther from his headquarters the safer I will be. Maybe Cuba...